Thank you for the post. I think we have assumed that narcissists must have an opposite. The opposite of narcissism is normal. Insecure people over compensate and become narcissists…the over positivity you mentioned. Gaeity or over positivity masks hatred and anger. Highly secure people are modest and humble. The person you describe is non existent. Family interaction, friends and school will socialize much of human behaviour unless a person is antisocial and living in a sick household.
Narcissists cannot learn from others. They want total control and adoration. All good points , every individual has an opinion , and not everything works for all. Ok from a Christian perspective I can only agree that criticism, internally voiced or related to the target or to others is almost always a sign of insecurity.
I can Also agree with never saying no and with excessive positivity. Those are almost obvious signs of willfully ignored weakness- no deep thinking needed to interpret that. From a Christian perspective the believer is supposed to be quite secure in their identity in Christ. Not gonna unpack that too much except the behaviors that would attend such a mindset. Thinking that others are more valuable than yourself, and asking for advice and reassurance are both useful and positive behaviors.
I might not know anything about phycological states but I do know they are not traits. Also, there are a lot of Christians commenting on this article. Figuring out why could be useful for you and your practice. Not that I know. Thank you for the article.
I struggle with insecurity and many of those examples resonated with me. I love the article is mind opening be aware of some of the things that are happening around me and within. I thought I was doing pretty good til I read this article. I pretty much nail every one of those. I do wish there was a Part II, or links to some helpful ways to work through these issues.
Identifying them is half the battle… but now what do I do about it?! How does one change that mindset? I disagree with the last point or at least with the example.
Sometimes negative things happen with family members, but usually get resolved later if you have good communication skills. Sometimes when you share a negative experience people pry into things that are none of their business. A very helpful article! Most of them are not logical, of course.
And they just are. And by changing how I respond to the cue of insecurity with new habits, my confidence returns. This time around, it took me 24 hours. I empathize. I have done the same for most of my life. I was doing it this morning—thinking myself lesser than my peers for feeling insecure—until I read your article. That old way of thinking that got me through childhood.
So, my new habit is to feel the anxiety that comes with errors and criticism and obligations and overwhelm and ambiguity and the like and to realize I am very capable. Not everything is going to go as planned. Just choose a task and do it.
And then the next one. And be kind and loving to myself, be the parent to myself I wish I had growing up. Thank you very much for all your articles but this one certainly resonates with me too and is really helpful. We all have varying degrees of issues so all articles are helpful. Please keep going with this as we are out here listening to you go sure.
Criticizing Others The capacity to be critical is not always a bad thing. But how does criticizing other people help us feel better about ourselves? But in the very short-term, being critical of others makes us feel better by comparison. And that feels good. When you criticize your spouse for always forgetting to take out the trash, what you are implying is that you are conscientious.
If you are feeling insecure, there is a thought you are thinking and believing that is leading you to feel that way. Often times, we think and believe those thoughts for so long, they become a habit. And they become the default way our brain thinks about ourselves, leading us to feel chronically insecure. But there is a way out.
Ask yourself, how is the exact opposite of this thought true? In what ways am I already a secure, confident person? Your brain will find the evidence for you. And you can begin to undo the habit of believing thoughts that lead you to feel insecure. Kate Romero.
I believe that people are insecure for many reasons and the primary one for most is due to the relationship they have established to themselves. This unconscious belief colors everything they do in life and it is extremely painful. Sometimes it is wiring in the brain that makes a person insecure, and sometimes it is learned behavior. They have an unshakable belief that they are worthless which is what causes them to bully others etc. They must at all costs protect their belief that they have little value from being found out.
In the case of the narcissist, it is wiring in the brain more than the environment. For the wired behavior not too much. Where did this lack of security come from? It came from fears, mostly about the future. What if, you told yourself that everything will work out perfectly?
What if you did that so often, for so long and with such conviction, that you began to believe it? Would things change in your life, to support your new beliefs? Yes, they would! You would find yourself having experiences that confirm the source of your security and its ability to handle anything. That source is you. Health and Wellness Expert, Maple Holistics. To feel better about yourself, stop looking at others.
So why does it happen in the first place? Oftentimes, we see others appearing happy and confident without realizing that they are just as unsure of themselves as we are. So, we hold ourselves to the perfect standards which others unwittingly create, and then we feel unsure of ourselves when we are unable to meet them. But these insecurities do not just come from people that we know. It comes from magazines with impossibly-beautiful pictures of celebrities, characters on television shows, and alumni newsletters listing lofty achievements of peers.
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